Wow, its definately been a while since i've wrote. Not like i have any fans waiting till the next time i write. Umm, nothing much new with me. I've been busy for some reason. Not doing anything too special. Babysitting, helping my mom, and helping at the school once in a while. Days just seem to fly by really fast.

I think it was like 2 weeks ago since i said i wasn't going to smoke anymore. I think it lasted a week. Its just a little fix that i can't say no to yet. And i smoke like once every couple days anyways. I know i know, its still wrong. My mom has a slight problem wiht it, but it doesn't bother her like it does my dad. He's never home enough to know when i do it anyway. Its crazy how often i've wanted someone else to NOT do something. Like just tonight i was trying to tell my friend who is 3 years younger not to start drinking. But she doesn't know what its like to be on the other side. I also would like to say sorry to those who tried to tell me NOT to do things. I don't think i ever listened...and now i wish i did. I could have save myself alot of grief if only i listened to my parents, youth pastor or some of my close friends. I guess we all go through our teenage years and either we'll wish we could re-live them or wish we never did. In my case i definately would have chose to bypass my teenage years for adulthood. Sometimes i feel much older than i am...then i have to remember that i'm going back to highschool in February.

Yes, i'm going back. I'm taking "U" courses. Its a step up for me. I'm sure my diploma could have got me into a college or something, but i figured i'd just redo half of gr 11 and gr 12 all over. Even though i really enjoyed highschool...i'm not quite sure what to expect. I'm SO mature now...i'm not quite sure where i'm going to find friends...maybe in the library. I was never a loser in highschool...except to those people who thought druggies were losers. But...i think almost everyone thinks people who are ALWAYS in the library are losers. Ugh, am i making sense? Anyway...yeah so...we'll see if i can find some friends. If not i'll just have to deal with being a loser. 

I got my g1 or permit, depending on which side of the boarder you are on. I was studying the road book for a whole day...then i asked my mom if i could go. She underestimates me alot and it makes me feel like crap...but anyway...i went and i passed. So i've been driving around alot. Its kind of crazy how distracted i get. I'm thinking i may be ADD. 

Also, you know the term "slow". Well, i was wondering if that applied to me. My brother and his girlfriend like to make fun of me because i'm really terrible at explaining things and i get frustrated or nervous when i'm trying to explain myself. I actually kinda feel retarded though. Alot of people say that i talk like a stoner...but i haven't done drugs in a while...and i think it'll be pretty sad if i talk like this for the rest of my life. If it is because of drugs...please don't do them...just don't!

Ok...i don't think i'm making much sense and i'm really getting bored...but i guess i'll try to write again soon!

     Well, i've had a rather interesting day i suppose. Went out with my brother for most of the day. We got a refund from his college books and then went to the mall to go CHRISTMAS shopping. How lovely. I didn't have money...so of course i didn't get anything. We went to the build a bear workshop. It was rather interesting but i will say its for children! Or...childish people. I'm glad i wasn't the one constructing the expensive monkey. My brother picked out a Ottawa Senator's hockey outfit for the monkey because his girlfriend loves the Sens **puke**. But hey, everyone is entitiled to their own liking.  

      I love my brother alot. We haven't been spending much time together. Since both him and his girlfriend dropped out of school they've been hanging out all the time. They weren't supposed to be hanging out all the time...coming from both sets of parents...but they are old enough to make their own decisions.

    My mom is on the verge of an emotional breakdown. I'll say its all my fault because...it is! I have been smoking when i go out with my brother. She found out the other day when we came home and she smelled it on me. She questioned me...and i told her. I'm not going to lie. So, when i got home from shopping she questioned me again... and of course i told her. She started crying...blaming herself. It really has nothing to do with her...but she thinks it does. I dunno, i guess i feel really bad. I'm going to make a promise to myself, and to my mom that i'm not going to smoke...if i can do it for the next month...than i can do it for life. That said...I will not touch a cigarette till Dec 13, 2006...maybe longer. But I really want to stop smoking FOR GOOD!! I didn't really know how much it hurt my mom but i don't want to have something between us. My Dad and I have an excellent relationship. Its kind of awesome. But...if having a good relationship means to never smoke...i'm willing to give it up.

     Tomorrow i'm going to go to the library and get some good books. I finish the series i was reading. It wasn't too bad. The ending was good...but could have been better. The library opens at 10am...so hopefullly i can get up early and start my day good. I'm going to go for a walk and make sure i'm in a good mood. I need to show my mom that i changed. I don't want to be the old Katrina...and i'm scared that I am going to slip back into my old ways. So...but i'm going to fight to keep myself alive. I HAVE to. I can't give up. 

    The other day when i was ice skating i heard a song from Montgomery Gentry. Its called some people change. I really wanted to cry when i heard it. But there was alot of people around...and i'm not one to make a scene.

Here's to the strong; thanks to the brave.
Don't give up hope: some people change.
Against all odds, against the grain,
Love finds a way: some people change.

There is something about country music that touches me.

Ok, well my mom is mad and told me to get off the computer...wish me luck...I'm going to apologize!

Meh...I figured I'd do one of these stupid things...its been forever!!

1.Where did you take your default pic?

Family reunion...

2.What exactly are you wearing right now?
PJ pants and a hoodie

10.Friends you miss the most that have moved:
Brittany Ruthven

~_-:.::_~Fill this out IN YOUR OWN WORDS and repost as, "My autobiography" ... And use your own answers, not anyone else's, thank YOU.~_::.:-_~

  Wow! It's pretty incredible how things are going these days! Last thursday I went to my aunt's house in Toronto. I stayed there for the weekend. I took care of my cousin who is disable so she could have a little bit of free time. I really enjoyed myself and she appreciated me so much that she sent me home with 50$. Monday i went to freedom village to pick up all the stuff i left there. Our whole van was filled with huge plastic bags containing all my valuables. Valuables...ha...yeah right. Half the stuff i brought back with me is now in the trash. When i went to the village i seen a few people that i got along with really well. Even though i have alot of memories i am definately glad i am home and doing my own thing again. I just relaxed most of the week. I was so tired from the 12 hour drive i had on monday...my body has yet to recover.

Yesterday i went to get my results from the aptitude tests i took a few weeks ago. I didn't this i did too well on them. Being the only one in the room under 25 i was pretty nervous. I wanted to beat everone in the room...get the best scores and everything. I raced through the tests pretty easily. According to the lady who showed me my results i did very well. According to the description of the level i recieved i can successfully complete a university degree. So...i guess that brought a little encouragement. It made me feel good about myself. Even though i left the village on bad terms life goes on. I'm doing well. I haven't done drugs in 2 weeks and don't plan on touching them again. I know, I know...i said it before. NO, really...i don't ever want to touch them again! I haven't felt any desire to do drugs at all. I really don't have any desire to do any of the things i used to.

You know when you are a teenager and all you want to do is party. Life isn't all about that. Tonight after I visited our neighbour in the hospital I went to Wendys. I was listening to a conversation 3 boys were having behind me. They were all bragging about how high they got...and the hangovers they had last weekend. Really...what significance will that have in a year? Ugh...i am so glad i've matured. I'm glad i can see that partying SUCKS and there is nothing good in it. Its funny now that i can buy cigarettes and alcohol (not legally but everyone thinks i'm 19) i really don't see any point to it. Maybe because i realized how much pain i put my family through...the mood swings i had...i really was messed up. I love my mom so much for standing by my side through it all. For picking me up from school when i was so depressed that i could go on with my day. It would be so foolish for me to start up my terrible old habits.

I started doing something really strange. I never enjoyed reading at all. But i have been using all the spare time i have to read. I LOVE IT! I read a WHOLE book in one night. I started at 6:30pm and went till 3am. Its pretty crazy. I couldn't put the book down at all. I'm in the middle of another book that i plan to finish tonight. You know those crazy people at the libraries who order in a book from another local library because the library they go to doesn't have the book they want? Well...I've turned into one of those people! I'm reading a series by Beverly Lewis...and i had to order in book three from a different library...ugh...i feel so...nerdy! Ha..i'm a nerd. Whatever!

My neighbour had a baby. ITS A GIRL! They haven't officially named her yet but they picked out the name Destinee Ciara Daniels. Its a very...unique name. I would rather settle for a name like...Rachel or something not so MTV. But hey...its not my kid! She is SO adorable! When i held her she smelled so good...like a newborn baby...awww...it was so great! haha. She was born around 3:30pm and weighed 8lbs and 14ozs. Big baby! Her parents are well into their 40's and she has an older brother(20) and an older sister(15). She was unexpected...but is definately welcomed into their family.

Anyways...i'm rather tired. Gotta get up early to help my mom clean the school...yuck! Alright...good night!